Comedy Gold From Twitter King, Ryan Reynolds

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mattstaff
Sep 24, 2020 3:00 PM EDT

Ryan Reynolds and his notorious inventory of witty one-liners and clever comebacks are perfect for Twitter. If anything, observational tweets like Reynolds' tweet about parenting can serve to remind the rest of us that parenting is hard for everyone. Even if you're Deadpool himself, raising a baby is no small feat. 

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  • 01
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. I swear to god, you could rob a liquor store in this city with a bagel.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 02
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow I love Words With Friends. Because once you start playing, the next time you look up, another Olympics has come and gone.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 03
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow Curiously, the best thing about a #Deadpool photoshoot, is singing Dolly Parton songs full blast while heavily, HEAVILY armed. Unexpected.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 04
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow When I think out loud, it sounds nothing like Morgan Freeman.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 05
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow Ever notice halfway through a shower, that you're not in the shower at all? Just crying super hard? #HappyCanadaDay
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 06
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow When a driver's engulfed in road rage, saying they're going to shank you with a broken bottle of schnapps, just get out of my mom's way.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 07
    Text - A Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow Nothing better than spending an entire morning staring into my baby daughter's eyes, whispering, "I can't do this".
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 08
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow Call me old fashioned, but sending a dick pic is disgusting and lazy. Real love means sending a nice bouquet of penises.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 09
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow My neighbors' safe-word is, Hufflepuff. I only know this because I happened to jog past their bedroom window for an hour.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 10
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow Crime sprees would be so much funnier if your get- a-way vehicle was Hodor from Game of Thrones.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 11
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O Follow @VancityReynolds Love it when mom tells an anecdote about last night's dinner, but starts with her own birth and works her way forward in real time.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 12
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow No matter which kids book I read to my screaming baby on an airplane, the moral of the story is always something about a vasectomy.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 13
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O Follow @VancityReynolds Next time you're grocery shopping, imagine David Attenborough narrating. It really next-levels the whole thing.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 14
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow Tough call. Continue watching election coverage - or tickle fight with a starving adult lion.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 15
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow Damn it's hard letting your infant daughter go somewhere alone for the first time. I was a total mess dropping her off at Burning Man.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 16
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow I'm making an oil painting of my sister, Sarah. And it's more difficult than I thought because I don't have a sister.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 17
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow I sometimes confuse watching political coverage with swan-diving into a swimming pool filled with liquid rabies.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 18
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow On our 6am walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it's in heaven, visiting daddy's freedom.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 19
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 20
    Text - A Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow I'm teaching my daughter that the sun goes down each night because it's mad at her. Probably gonna write a book on parenting at some point.
    via @vancityreynolds
  • 21
    Text - Ryan Reynolds Follow @VancityReynolds Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
    via @vancityreynolds

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humor twitter social media ridiculous celeb ryan reynolds funny
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